The Maw

Join the Ultimate Halo forum. Explore the inner depths of the Halo Megastructure, and realize your true potential as the savior of humanity
 
HomePortalGalleryFAQSearchRegisterMemberlistUsergroupsLog in

Share | 
 

 Tira'Ferma

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
Go to page : Previous  1, 2, 3  Next
AuthorMessage
AvidWriter117
Gravemind
Gravemind


Male
Number of posts : 876
Age : 24
Registration date : 2007-06-10

PostSubject: Re: Tira'Ferma   Tue Mar 18, 2008 8:40 pm

“The storm has passed,” Darco said, “I think you should continue your climb.”
“Thank you.”
Swinging a rope around his head, upon which was a small grappling, he hooked it to the upper ledge of the cave. He then climbed up the rope, and out into the cool morning air.
After a good night’s rest in the cave, the climb didn’t seem so exhausting. It seemed only a few hours, however, before the sun sank below the plane, and the world became dark. A glint of gold above him showed that he was close to his objective. His vigour renewed, John was soon lifting himself onto the smooth peak. The ground below his feet was smooth and golden. Before him was an altar, taller than he. A short set of stairs led up to a pedestal, upon which sat an Orb.
It glowed a dark, blood red; Fire seemed to burn at its depths. As John reached to pick it up, a tall ring of fire burst from the pedestal surrounding the Orb. John, however, kept his hand where it was. It didn’t burn, but rather gave him a funny, tingling feeling.
“Jonathon,” a deep voice said.
John turned quickly, pulling his hand out of the fire; behind him stood a tall figure. The voice was easily recognizable as the person from the capital, who John had not seen. The person wore a smooth, metal mask, that hid all facial features. A long cape dragged behind, and an awkward red outfit covered every inch of his body. John gripped his sword hilt tightly.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“You know who I am. I am Aramonde,” the person said.
“You cannot reach the orb. It is…blocked,” John said, biding his time.
“Ah, of course,” the figure said with a laugh, “Though I already know that the fire there is for decoration, not to injure or protect.” Aramonde lifted his staff, thrust it before him, and sent John flying sideways. Aramonde simply walked toward the altar and put his hand through the fire.
A terrible searing sound, and the smell of burnt flesh permeated the air, and Aramonde was sent flying backwards. As his head hit the ground, the mask flew off, skidded a few feet, and dropped down the side of the mountain.
Underneath was a woman. Pale in complexion, but quite beautiful. John only had a second to look into her eyes before she disappeared.
Pitch black eyes, as if they had taken all the hate in the world into their depths.

“That orb is your…soul.”
“Wha-?”
“That,” Darco said, from behind him, “That Orb is your soul,” Darco said, “The most important object to all wizards. One will appear only when its destined owner is strong enough to wield it.”
“What can I do with it?”
“It can simply be carried, or used as a particularly strong weapon,” Darco said, “But most Wizards carve them into their staves.”
John noticed that Darco himself had such an orb in his staff, though it was a dark blue, and looked like ice.
“It is very rare for an orb to appear on Mount Altarone,” Darco said, “Only a few of the great Wizards had there’s here.”
“So…I’m special?”
“Yes.”
“Cool, I guess,” John said, shrugging, “What do Orbs do?”
“Orbs amplify magical ability,” answered Darco, “One who has their own orb shall prevail over their enemies almost always.”
“Does Aramonde have one?”
“No,” said Darco, “She left before she finished her training. There is much she does not know, and it is because of this ignorance that you can defeat her.”
“My training is not over yet either…” John said, looking ashamed, “I most likely know less than her.”
“There is one thing…I may teach you…”

“Stop, traitor,” Darco said.
Aramonde, who no longer wore her mask, stopped in place as she passed the threshold of the door out of her throne room. She turned, he cloak blowing dramatically behind her; John scoffed at the unnecessary flourish, and recognized immaturity.
He wore a new outfit: A smooth, dark blue vest, over a blood red shirt, with his normal black cape. His sword was affixed to his belt, and his staff was gripped tightly in his hand; the orb was infused in its tip.
John had matured in a simple few weeks that he had trained under Darco. He wore an air of authority, and it was hard to take one’s eyes off of him, for he could dominate a scene with ease.
“I am no traitor, Jonathon,” Aramonde said.
“But you are. You took the oath, and broke it.”
Aramonde dismissed this, and addressed a different topic. “How did you get by Hashite?”
“Gods do not meddle in the affairs of Wizards.”
“You are no Wizard. You have not fulfilled your right of passage!” Fear crept into her voice, though she tried to hide it.
“I am fulfilling my right of passage right now. And it will be fulfilled. You are not a Wizard yet.”
“I AM THE GREATEST WIZARD THAT EVER LIVED!” She yelled, “Feel. My. Strength.”
The girl lifted her staff and muttered a series of words. John laughed.
“You still have to speak the incantations?” he taunted, “You are weaker than I thought!”
Though his insults were misplaced. A second later, he was blasted off of his feet by a bolt of light. Without even getting up, he sent a red stream of energy toward Aramonde. It hit her in the stomach, and she started to twitch violently. John stood up and observed her.
He had not meant to send a spell so powerful. His orb glowed wickedly.
He raised his hand, palm facing outward, and sent a stream of fire from its center. The fire hit Aramonde in the forehead, and she fell to her knees. John broke the spell by lowering his hand slowly.
From three doorways at the other end of the throne room walked a group of soldiers, followed by two of the three dark wizards. At the sight of John, they all raised their swords. Aramonde got up, a look of triumph on her face.
“You hid behind those who follow you out of fear,” John said, “You think them worthy of your trust? They will abandon you at their first chance.”
“These are my servants,” Aramonde said, “They do what they’re told.”
John saw each of the faces twitch as she said this, as if they were her slaves. At that moment, he knew he was right.
Aramonde continued to walk backward, placing her soldiers between her and danger. A look of disgust flashed across their faces. “Kill him.”
They strung their bows and brandished their swords. There was an almost deafening war cry; the glass room above them shattered, and seven soldiers fell down between John and Aramonde. They were immediately swinging their swords, and within seconds the room was a confused riot.
John didn’t move, but simply stared at Aramonde, who whore a look of mingled fury and astonishment. He stepped forward and drew his sword. She did the same.
They clashed in the center of the large fight. Her lack of prowess in magic didn’t affect her sword skill, and she was very deft. John was forced to roll and duck to avoid vicious swings. Each swipe of his sword was parried skillfully. It was only a few seconds until he had a dozen cuts and bruises and sweat dripped down his back.
He ripped off his cloak and gloves, for they restrained his movement. The hilt of his sword was soon slipper with sweat as he weaved in and out for both offensive and defensive maneuvers. Aramonde was almost untouched.
After twenty minutes of battle, all of Aramonde’s soldiers were dead or had fled the scene, except for her wizard disciples. The small group of seven still stood. The Wizards through spell after spell at the group; knocking them constantly off their feet and throwing them into seizures or worse.
John was tiring, and he bled from many places. He felt his health slowly draining away. Then, to Aramonde’s astonishment, he backed away. Kneeling down and closing his eyes, a red, transparent ball of energy formed itself around him. His skin seemed to pulse with light.
Then he stood, with not a single cut upon his body, breathing smoothly.
“What the h-”
But she was cut off as John lunged at her again. Their swords clashed and slid off each other.
Then it was all over. Aramonde looked down to notice two swords piercing her stomach and chest at the same time. John pulled his sword out of her heart, while a silver short sword, which had gone completely through her, was pulled from her back.
She bled from the mouth and stumbled backward, horrified. Then she fell to the ground and moved no more.

“Jonathon?”
“Yes?”
“Welcome to our ranks.”
“I am honored,” Jonathon, son of Rhian said.

_________________
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://halogenerations.heavenforum.com
Afthotstreak719
San 'Shyuum
San 'Shyuum


Male
Number of posts : 2211
Age : 25
Registration date : 2007-06-18

PostSubject: Re: Tira'Ferma   Wed Mar 19, 2008 10:03 am

Looking good... even though my brain is a little screwy from supposed lack of sleep. Oh and don't say a word CHICKEN!!!!
Back to top Go down
View user profile
ryknow69
Mgalekgolo
Mgalekgolo


Male
Number of posts : 1216
Age : 32
Localisation : Huntsville Texas, bitch 0_0
Registration date : 2007-07-14

PostSubject: Re: Tira'Ferma   Wed Mar 19, 2008 1:23 pm

Very Happy me like =D

U used the sangheili home world, y =? Thought it sounded good =)

i read captions from it, parts i found intreaging(idontknow how to spell it damnit) to me, as i have a bad attention span wen it comes to reading things online, MAKE IT A FREAKING BOOK! so i can actually read it without drueling from brain damage attempting to focus on the damn screen

all in all, BAD ASS, keep it up, i showed this to my freaking Teachers, love it, they all F***ing LOVE it, my english, thinks u ARE the next Stephen King
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Afthotstreak719
San 'Shyuum
San 'Shyuum


Male
Number of posts : 2211
Age : 25
Registration date : 2007-06-18

PostSubject: Re: Tira'Ferma   Wed Mar 19, 2008 5:41 pm

hahahaha that would be different.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
AvidWriter117
Gravemind
Gravemind


Male
Number of posts : 876
Age : 24
Registration date : 2007-06-10

PostSubject: Re: Tira'Ferma   Wed Mar 19, 2008 7:28 pm

Ry, do you think you could give me a sentence or excerpt in which the word 'Sanghelios' is in my story? I can't find it in the word document or this forum page.

_________________
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://halogenerations.heavenforum.com
ryknow69
Mgalekgolo
Mgalekgolo


Male
Number of posts : 1216
Age : 32
Localisation : Huntsville Texas, bitch 0_0
Registration date : 2007-07-14

PostSubject: Re: Tira'Ferma   Thu Mar 20, 2008 6:38 am

oops, i meant Sangheili main continant's Capital City =P Heilios
Back to top Go down
View user profile
AvidWriter117
Gravemind
Gravemind


Male
Number of posts : 876
Age : 24
Registration date : 2007-06-10

PostSubject: Re: Tira'Ferma   Thu Mar 20, 2008 8:18 am

I'm guessing the word is actually 'Helios', which, of course, is a greek god of the sun.

_________________
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://halogenerations.heavenforum.com
Afthotstreak719
San 'Shyuum
San 'Shyuum


Male
Number of posts : 2211
Age : 25
Registration date : 2007-06-18

PostSubject: Re: Tira'Ferma   Thu Mar 20, 2008 10:18 am

it is huh i didn't know that... then again im not to familiar with the greek gods...
Back to top Go down
View user profile
ryknow69
Mgalekgolo
Mgalekgolo


Male
Number of posts : 1216
Age : 32
Localisation : Huntsville Texas, bitch 0_0
Registration date : 2007-07-14

PostSubject: Re: Tira'Ferma   Thu Mar 20, 2008 4:32 pm

i knew that =P, u have to if your a halo fan
Back to top Go down
View user profile
AvidWriter117
Gravemind
Gravemind


Male
Number of posts : 876
Age : 24
Registration date : 2007-06-10

PostSubject: Re: Tira'Ferma   Thu Mar 20, 2008 6:31 pm

well, sort of...not really Razz

I assure you, though, that there is almost nothing at all about Halo in my story.
I would assure that there is NOTHING about halo in my story, but you never know; my subconscious has a few tricks up its sleeve.

_________________
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://halogenerations.heavenforum.com
ryknow69
Mgalekgolo
Mgalekgolo


Male
Number of posts : 1216
Age : 32
Localisation : Huntsville Texas, bitch 0_0
Registration date : 2007-07-14

PostSubject: Re: Tira'Ferma   Sat Mar 22, 2008 2:25 am

yea, i was just wondering, =D

Helios WAS the capital, during the Sangheili-San 'Shyuum war, it was burned to the ground, after the 'Battle of Helios' the last battle of the war, before the great sangheili race changed their beliefs to turn the wars tide, but thats enough of a history lesson
Back to top Go down
View user profile
AvidWriter117
Gravemind
Gravemind


Male
Number of posts : 876
Age : 24
Registration date : 2007-06-10

PostSubject: Re: Tira'Ferma   Sat Mar 22, 2008 8:28 am

How do you know this? Its not on the wiki.

For some reason, i highly doubt that Bungie would put Helios as the capital of an alien city.

_________________
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://halogenerations.heavenforum.com
ryknow69
Mgalekgolo
Mgalekgolo


Male
Number of posts : 1216
Age : 32
Localisation : Huntsville Texas, bitch 0_0
Registration date : 2007-07-14

PostSubject: Re: Tira'Ferma   Sat Mar 22, 2008 9:54 pm

continent, BUT it was burned down,


i hav a source in many companies
Back to top Go down
View user profile
AvidWriter117
Gravemind
Gravemind


Male
Number of posts : 876
Age : 24
Registration date : 2007-06-10

PostSubject: Re: Tira'Ferma   Sun Mar 23, 2008 3:46 pm

Here is a short thingymajig. I have been writing a few sections about this; it is basically short excerpts that explain a little about the world of Tira'Ferma.



History

Part 1





At the moment, there is only one Universe. Of course, that could change; we would never know, and there would be no way of knowing. According to popular theory, the existence of multiple Universes is impossible. The billions of dimensions that exist depict every event that could ever happen, anywhere. So technically, the existence of another Universe would either be pointless, or be the exact same thing as our Universe; in which case there would be no point in calling attention to the fact that said Universe exists.

Few things are known about the Universe in which we live, but many scientists and philosophers have said otherwise. One of the greatest philosophers in Tira’Ferma is Ladon, who discovered the majority of the most popular Universal theories.



There is only one Universe. Billions of dimensions exist in that one Universe, but that does not stop it from being solitary.

When time began (and yes, it in fact did have a beginning), all dimensions were the same. They all had the basic 1764 elements, which make up the universe. Since all dimensions were the same, they were virtually one dimension. A man would be able to walk from one dimension to another in only a few steps, or traverse a million dimensions in that same distance. Of course, men didn’t exist at the time, nor did the normal perception of distance. The dimensions were filled with nothingness; space.


All that separates dimensions from each other is their physics; their laws. At the time when all dimensions were similar, there was nothing for physics to affect, so the changes began slowly.

All dimensions, or at least the ones that have been explored, have some form of gravity; an attraction of forces or substances. Physics affect everything, and eventually the differences in physics changed each dimension completely.



When the Universe began, all dimensions were the same. They were virtually one dimension. But when each dimension changed, they grew apart. It is only similarities between dimensions that cause them to be near each other on the astral level; similarities make it possible to traverse these dimensions.

As the dimensions became slowly different, due to physics and the acts of those people within the dimensions, the paths became harder to access and the dimensions grew apart. Eventually, only the bridges remained; small walkways connecting one dimension to another by nothing but a few similarities between those dimensions.



The physics in each dimension created each dimension, in essence. At the beginning of time, all dimensions were blank; empty space filled by nothing but raw particles that had nothing to do and no where to go. Eventually, the physics in the dimensions pulled molecules together, pushed them apart, and shaped them into what we know of today.


Dimensions are all connected; no matter how small the connection is, something can go through. This can be as simple as particles of light, or bursts of heat.






Nefarious Matter is one of the most disputed subjects in the universe.

According to common theory, that which is not devised by Ladon, Nefarious Matter (commonly just called ‘Dark Matter’) is evil matter which crosses gaps in the bridges to terrorize worldly dimensions.

Ladon, however, has created an alternative hypothesis. Based on the almost proven theories of inter-dimensional similarities, Ladon theorized that all good and evil acts balance each other out throughout dimensions. “If good is done in one dimension,” he states, “evil will be created as well.”

The amounts of good and evil in the world are directly proportional to each other. They can, however, exist in opposite dimensions. Many of the ‘dark’ dimensions are where this evil manifests itself. Since the dark dimensions, technically, have no living species for this evil to act upon, the evil builds up into something like a lifeform.

This is Nefarious Matter. It crosses dimensional planes many times easier than a normal person may. It can mimic any image, take on any form.

The worst part, however, is that killing Nefarious Matter is a good deed. Therefore, more of this matter will be created in the dark dimensions.

aNever ending torment.

_________________
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://halogenerations.heavenforum.com
AvidWriter117
Gravemind
Gravemind


Male
Number of posts : 876
Age : 24
Registration date : 2007-06-10

PostSubject: Re: Tira'Ferma   Sun Mar 23, 2008 3:58 pm

Okay, this version of the story is very messed up. It wouldn't copy correctly to the page.
If anyone wants me to give them the real version, along with any of the previously posted chapters, i can email them. Very Happy

_________________
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://halogenerations.heavenforum.com
ryknow69
Mgalekgolo
Mgalekgolo


Male
Number of posts : 1216
Age : 32
Localisation : Huntsville Texas, bitch 0_0
Registration date : 2007-07-14

PostSubject: Re: Tira'Ferma   Sun Mar 23, 2008 9:55 pm

id like them, send them to figy's email, mine's slighty, full of spam, and im just going to blank it
Back to top Go down
View user profile
AvidWriter117
Gravemind
Gravemind


Male
Number of posts : 876
Age : 24
Registration date : 2007-06-10

PostSubject: Re: Tira'Ferma   Tue Mar 25, 2008 9:09 pm

i sent it yesterday, in case you didn't know... Very Happy

_________________
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://halogenerations.heavenforum.com
ryknow69
Mgalekgolo
Mgalekgolo


Male
Number of posts : 1216
Age : 32
Localisation : Huntsville Texas, bitch 0_0
Registration date : 2007-07-14

PostSubject: Re: Tira'Ferma   Tue Mar 25, 2008 10:58 pm

=P thx, my uni is turning off the internet till saturday, hope you guys dont miss me =P the turn off starts at 12:00 A.M.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
AvidWriter117
Gravemind
Gravemind


Male
Number of posts : 876
Age : 24
Registration date : 2007-06-10

PostSubject: Re: Tira'Ferma   Sun Mar 30, 2008 6:56 pm

Any comments on the story?

_________________
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://halogenerations.heavenforum.com
ORDINATOR
Mgalekgolo
Mgalekgolo


Male
Number of posts : 1181
Age : 27
Localisation : Shifting from place to place.
Registration date : 2007-07-29

PostSubject: Re: Tira'Ferma   Sun Mar 30, 2008 7:38 pm

it sounds like there is a whole heap of pointlessness in it all. almost like, if we do something then the opposite happens anyway. sort of makes the idea of saving stuff rather boring if the opposite would happen (ie the person dies)

but it dose make sense. after all how could we know what good is if there is no bad.

so yeah i can't find any problems with that background theory story thing. (i can't really comment on the rest of the story earlier posted because i haven't read it)
Back to top Go down
View user profile
AvidWriter117
Gravemind
Gravemind


Male
Number of posts : 876
Age : 24
Registration date : 2007-06-10

PostSubject: Re: Tira'Ferma   Sun Mar 30, 2008 8:47 pm

ORDINATOR wrote:
it sounds like there is a whole heap of pointlessness in it all. almost like, if we do something then the opposite happens anyway. sort of makes the idea of saving stuff rather boring if the opposite would happen (ie the person dies)

but it dose make sense. after all how could we know what good is if there is no bad.

so yeah i can't find any problems with that background theory story thing. (i can't really comment on the rest of the story earlier posted because i haven't read it)

*sighs in relief*
I read the first sentence, and I was like "WTF?", then i finished the paragraph and i felt better Very Happy
Yeah, the universe sucks. You'll get over it Wink

_________________
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://halogenerations.heavenforum.com
ryknow69
Mgalekgolo
Mgalekgolo


Male
Number of posts : 1216
Age : 32
Localisation : Huntsville Texas, bitch 0_0
Registration date : 2007-07-14

PostSubject: Re: Tira'Ferma   Mon Mar 31, 2008 12:20 pm

sure >_>

and FU-CK YEA! BSG IS BACK ON!

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA KICKS HALO'S ASS =D

now, your story is ok, bt it confuzzled me half-way through
Back to top Go down
View user profile
AvidWriter117
Gravemind
Gravemind


Male
Number of posts : 876
Age : 24
Registration date : 2007-06-10

PostSubject: Re: Tira'Ferma   Mon Mar 31, 2008 4:13 pm

Lol, i think it tends to do that... Rolling Eyes

_________________
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://halogenerations.heavenforum.com
AvidWriter117
Gravemind
Gravemind


Male
Number of posts : 876
Age : 24
Registration date : 2007-06-10

PostSubject: Re: Tira'Ferma   Wed Apr 09, 2008 12:15 pm

Magics

Magic, as they say, is everywhere. On the dimensional plane known as Earth, Magic is like Energy. It lives, it breathes, and it floats around us like a breeze. All that needs to be done to become a magician is to bend that Magic to your will. On Tira’Ferma, however, Magic doesn’t exist. It is called into existence by one who has studied such things for their whole lives. Then, just like Energy in a battery, it is used up. Everything has ties to magic in Tira’Ferma. On Earth, Scientists have deduced that electric impulses cause the ability to move. The Heart, the stomach, and the brain all require fuel to run. On Tira’Ferma, Magic has caused life. The gods decided they would rather have minions fight their battles for them, so they created species, intending them only to live long enough to achieve an appointed task.
Fortunately for them, and us, something happened to call magic into existence. The life that would have lasted only a few ours to a few days could now live several years. Tira’Ferma began to flourish. Magic sustains us. Of course, the use of magic as a fuel does not give us the energy we need to carry out our lives; and because of that Fuel, is necessary as well.

True Magic is called upon by a series of sounds or thought impulses. These words or thoughts must be absolutely pure, which is why Wizardry is such a difficult profession. The study of the True Magics is called mysticism.
Wizards harness magic though an incantation or thought, and use it to perform a deed. Four types of wizards have been known to live in Tira’Ferma. Staves are the most well known. They, of course, carry a staff. Such a staff is cut from a holy wood, and blessed by a prophet. Staff Wizards are rare, for the ones who teach refuse to do so except in the most rare of circumstances; this way, Wizardry will remain pure, and they will not be betrayed.
Wand Wizards are the second most common. They, of course, carry a wooden want cut from a holy bark. Incantations must be said, unlike Staff Wizards, for a spell to work as intended. Wand Wizards accept almost anyone into their regiments, and there have been many betrayals.
Magicians are the rarest of Wizards. They are bred, rather than taught, to think in Magic. All it takes them is the want of something, and it will be brought into being. True betrayals are rare, since most Magicians are evil, and they do not work together anyway.
Incantation Wizards are the most common, but are hunted by the Government of Tira’Ferma. Once tracked down, they are imprisoned in a base called Blhürad, where they are enslaved or tortured. Incantation Wizards require only, of course, an incantation to perform their Magic. Almost anyone can become an Incantation Wizard, but magical ability must be present. If someone turns against their masters, a simple spell performed simultaneously by 18 Wizards can relieve the traitor of their powers forever. Because of this, no traitors will attempt to team up, for fear of having one who will betray them in their midst.

Another type of Magic exists in the universe. Blood Magic is magic ripped from other dimensions by means of evil acts. Blood Magic pulls magic that is possible in other dimensions into our dimension, then uses it before the laws of physics can interfere.
All dimensions exist in one another. They exist in potential, and, supposedly, are all around us. All dimensions are the same. In other words, all worlds and dimensions are one world. The only difference is in physics, and physics change everything.
For instance, on Earth to create a dove, another dove must be killed somewhere else. On Tira’Ferma, such a dove can be created with only the sacrifice of a few drops of water. The law of conservation of mass doesn’t exist.
These differences in physics pile up, and change every world completely.

_________________
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://halogenerations.heavenforum.com
Trotun
Jiralhanae
Jiralhanae


Male
Number of posts : 528
Age : 25
Localisation : In the middle of nowhere
Registration date : 2007-07-06

PostSubject: Re: Tira'Ferma   Wed Apr 09, 2008 3:32 pm

Reading stories off a monitor is tough, but I forced myself through this one.

1] As a writer you are going to be tested on how you react to criticisms, questions, etc. I know it's hard, even though I don't understand it 'cause I've never experience that. But just thought I'd bring that to your attention.

2] I can spot some small mistakes here and there. (not including orks Razz) Not at big deal whatsoever.

3] The section on true magic is a little confusing. If a few others thinks so too, then it should be revised a little.

3] I'm reading though, and I can sort of grasp how Tira'Ferma is laid out. But I wonder about how you refer to Earth then Tira'Ferma sometimes, so I'll assume you'll be connecting them somehow other than referring to the reader so directly. (that sounds confusing, do you know what I'm trying to say?)
---
You've only shown parts to let us see the setting of your story, not the story itself. So of course it bugs me that I'm feeling out of the loop. But I'm not saying in anyway it's not extremely good. Just looking excerpts alone it is written well.

That's all I can think of at the moment, and of course many of the thoughts left my head as I was typing.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Tira'Ferma   Today at 11:21 pm

Back to top Go down
 
Tira'Ferma
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 2 of 3Go to page : Previous  1, 2, 3  Next
 Similar topics
-
» Prohibited Tome

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
The Maw :: Off Topic :: General Discussion-
Jump to: